


Everything happens for a reason

by Curious_Reader



Category: Outlander & Related Fandoms, Outlander (TV), Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-27 10:14:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16216934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Curious_Reader/pseuds/Curious_Reader
Summary: So, A Million Little Things f***ed me up hard and after watching both available episodes it wouldn’t leave me alone (I highly encourage you watch the show if you’re able to). So, with this show in mind my Muse showed up and I had to write.





	Everything happens for a reason

**Author's Note:**

> A warning about this story: this story will discuss suicide, please keep this in mind when choosing to read further. I never want something I write to hurt or be a trigger someone.   
> Also, if you ever need someone to talk to. If you are going through something and need to talk to someone, my blog is always, always, ALWAYS a safe place and available to you without fear of judgement.   
> If you ever need it please reach out to a hotline in your country   
> http://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines  
> USA: 1800-273-8255  
> Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)  
> UK: 084-5790-9090  
> Ireland: +4408-45790-9090

His hands had not stopped shaking when the decision was made like he had thought they would. Grabbing the bottle from atop the fridge he nearly lost the nerve. He? Had been considering how to go about this one way or the other for days, maybe weeks, he didn’t know anymore. He grabbed the bottles, read over the letter once more, and signed the bottom. Out of habit he had poured out the prescribed number of pills and looking at his palm he laughed, a quiet hollow sound, and dumped the rest of the bottle onto the countertop.

He pointedly ignored the photos on the door as he reached in for the water pitcher, knowing if he looked even for a second his plans would deteriorate, and he wouldn’t go through with it, and this had to end.

The pitcher was empty as it often was; Marsali had never adapted the habit of refilling it after pouring a glass or two. He filled it and waited for it to filter through. It was that one quiet moment when he realized the absurdity of the situation and just filled the glass from the tap. Picking up a handful of pills he shoved them in his mouth and went to swallow them down.

His phone rang then, Ian’s face flashing on the screen. The noise startled him and he jumped, dropping the glass. The shattering to the floor angered him, and he quickly swiped ignore. He moved back to the cupboard; mouth still full of pills to find a new glass.   
Fergus took a deep breath, trying to calm his mind, and lifted the newly filled glass to his mouth.

The phone sounded off, Ian’s face shown again, smiling on the phone’s screen once more.

Absolutely fed up, he swiped the green answer button across the screen.  
Through a mouth of pills and in a huff of frustration he yelled towards the phone, “What!?”

“Fergus…” Ian’s voice came through, filling his kitchen. The broken sound of his voice hit square in the gut for Fergus, something was very wrong. His entire body tensed as he waited. “Jamie…killed himself.”

Fergus wasn’t sure his mind had fully finished hearing or comprehending the words that had just left his friend’s lips. But the very second the words left Ian’s mouth, he was doubled over his sink. All the pills, along with the rest of the contents of his stomach, were emptied. His heart was racing and he couldn’t catch his breath; his entire being had begun shaking and though he couldn’t feel his tears, he knew he was crying. He had dropped the phone on the counter and slid to the floor. He heard Ian still talking, saying something about other calls, then the call was ended. His mind had gone almost completely blank, nothing made sense. After a while his shaking slowed and his mind began to process things. He stood, cleaned out the sink, replaced the water pitcher, and sat on his couch with a fairly large glass of whisky.

Thousands of questions filled his brain. Why? How? Nothing made sense, he had known Jamie for close to ten years. He had everything. The perfect life, a good job that he loved, a beautiful wife and kids. He was happy, the most self-assured guy any of them knew. How could this have happened? It wasn’t supposed to be Jamie, it was supposed to be him. And what about…. “Oh god, what about Claire?” he whispered.  
\------

Jamie fastened his last cufflink while the man on the phone droned on. He had been on this call for far longer than he had ever anticipated. Annalise had patched him through forty-five minutes ago, and there seemed no end in sight. Annalise walked in, with a cup of coffee and a stack of papers. Jamie nodded towards her, spoke away from the receiver and told her thank you and to take a long lunch.  
He walked towards the balcony attached to his office.  
Looking out onto the city, he inhaled the cool air and finally cut off the man's incessant chatter.  
“Look, I’m interested in the whole lot, I am. I just need this one contingency to be secured. Now, I have something I need to get to in exactly five minutes, so you have that five minutes to get this wrapped up. I have always firmly believed that everything happens for a reason. But, if we can’t come to an agreement on this deal right now, you will never have a deal with me in the future. So, let's finish this.”  
\-------

“No, today is the day! I’m telling you, I can’t do this anymore, I am leaving. I just want you!”

John was frantically packing anything he could need for the immediate future, one he was desperately trying to convince her that he wanted, with her.  
“No, you’re not listening, Isobel will be home in exactly five and half hours and she’ll want to order take-away again, and I just, I just can’t. I just want to be happy, and I can’t have that here, I can have that with y.. No, I don’t know what will happen with William, I’ll figure that out, no I.. shit, I have to go.”  
The slamming of the front door alerted him with enough time to stash his suitcase under the bed and open his laptop, clicking on his email icon as she came into the bedroom.  
“Hey, I forgot my briefcase, I can’t believe I got out of here without it; how did you not notice that. You could have told me!”  
John sighed and just looked from his wife back to the laptop, not wanting to get into another argument.  
“And now because of this little detour I won’t have time to pick William up. You’ll pick him up, right?”  
“Well, I have a meeting at noon, so I don’t thi-”  
“Alright, I have to go, so you’ll get him and I’ll see you when I get home?”  
John didn’t get the chance to answer as she had already turned and walked out the door. He closed his computer, leaned his head back and sighed. Now what?  
\-------

Ian hated these appointments. He always felt out of place, and no amount of consoling or support made that go away. He hated the pink on every available surface, hated that he had been the winner of the 1 in 1,000 chance lottery. Hated the looks he got in the waiting room, and most of all, hated having to say it out loud.  
His doctor entered the room and without a word began to skim through his chart.  
“So doctor, what are we looking at here?” Ian asked, trying not to sound too panicked.  
The doctor looked up at Ian and before his mouth could even open his cell phone went off. Lifting a finger towards Ian he answered and began the most inane conversation Ian had ever heard. The rage and worry began to build in his chest; didn’t this man know how nerve wracking this was, didn’t he understand that this was literally life or death? No, apparently not. Apparently, this call was more important, and really, he supposed that should calm him. Because if it was bad news, wouldn’t the doctor say that and ignore the call? That was it, he couldn’t sit and listen to this anymore, rudeness be damned!  
“Hey! Look, I’m sorry to interrupt what I’m sure is an exceptionally important conversation about what appears to be the best salad in the world, but I was hoping you might be able to get off the damn phone and tell me if my cancer came back!” He really did hate these appointments.  
\-------

Annalise had walked out, the deal had been finalized and everything was set. He placed his phone and file folder on the table, straightened his tie, pulled over the bench, and stood on the railing. Taking one last look over the city he had live and loved in, Jamie took a deep breath, smiled, and stepped off the railing.


End file.
